37, college grad, 2x married, one son, one stepdaughter, four cats, one idiot dog, one very small house and small garden.

Saturday, June 05, 2004

Glorious Food

Well, today has been about diet and exercise so far. I spent a couple of hours working on the rose beds at my church, bending, stooping (to conquer, of course), and building upper body strength. Gardening really does give you a workout. Plus, I'm planning on taking a walk in a while.

But in the meantime, I've been obsessed with diet. I've been reading cookbooks voraciously, and not the feel good ones. I'm reading the low-fat or vegetarian diet cookbooks. The ones designed to either change your life or make you feel so guilty you don't even want a life. Why, you ask? Oh, boy. Can of worms time.

I have struggled with my weight since my son was born. At times I've been grossly overweight, and at times I've been almost underweight. Right now I'd be happy to be normal. But after quitting smoking, I've gained some pounds and I'm having trouble getting them to go back to where they came from. Hence the quest for the holy grail of weight loss...the fool proof diet. Let me tell you now: NO SUCH ANIMAL. I've checked and re-checked.

Why is it that a woman's self-worth is so intimately tied to her appearance? My most treasured feature used to be my brain. I was so proud of being smart. It was my favorite thing about me. But ever since I've been focusing on 'getting into shape' I feel rather stupid...and ugly...and fat. My self-worth has taken a nose dive. And the funny thing is, I'm not entirely sure why.

I'm not grossly obese anymore. I need to lose about ten pounds...I want to lose about fifteen. Atkins is poison to me, as I have hypertension and high cholesterol. So much for that. South Beach is out as well. I decided to go back on my own diet invention, the "No Meat For Lent" plan. I did not eat any meat during Lent except for a egg every morning (or eggbeaters) and fish on Fridays and maybe one other day per week. I lost twelve pounds doing that. But suddenly everything meat related has become the most attractive food item on the planet. I'm quite sure that if I were confronted with a giant bag of past the sell-by date puke flavored pork rinds I'd be salivating and ready to chow down. Chocolate? Forget it. I don't need no stinking chocolate. I need veal scallopine. I need filet mignon. I need deep fried pork chops covered in bacon bits.

However, I know I FEEL better eating a mostly vegetarian diet. I make sure to get enough complete proteins, so I know it can't be has to be the lure of the forbidden. It also has to do with the fact that I live with two diabetics who really can't go on a mostly vegetarian diet. They need meat in their diets. So I would have to cook two meals three times a day to satisfy everyone. And sometimes I look at that bacon and I won't kill me, will it? Horrifically enough for me, the answer is: possibly.

So I must sigh and put my glad face on and resign myself to finding the good in my restricted diet. Here's the goal I've decided on for today: I'm going to eat well, get my blood pressure and cholesterol down, get my muscles back in that three months from now I can strut around Starbucks in a corset, challenging my husband to keep people from staring at me.

Of course, according to my stepdaughter, I'll need to fix my hair problem first. Oh, dear. I can feel another blog entry coming on...


Post a Comment

<< Home